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Fear and Loss (translation)

Fear and Loss (translation)

Dolores came to the abode full of resistance. She did not want to wait, she said that her son could not take care of her, and she had to accept it. And I say that she had to do it because, with the dignity of a well – meaning woman at the turn of the century, she did not allow herself to cry openly because of the pain and suffering that occurred when she she left the house where she was. she lived all her life. Not long ago, moreover, her husband, a doctor by profession, had died, which confirmed her reassurance that she really enjoyed it. She had to go through two deaths, her husband was lost and her house was lost.

Her son, more surly than sweet, a nurse, had reversed the roles of parents and forced her to feel good, even though she had not gone through the necessary steps taken to leave her past behind and, despite not being she still. ready to face a new way of living. “Mother, don’t complain, this is the best one for the two of us” he exploded without consulting her opinion.

Of course, falling in age will reduce your ability, and if you do not feel extra comfortable, well … it’s very difficult to progress. Dolores never adapted, she felt that she was being cared for only by a few people whom she felt loved and for whom she always demanded attention with a prestigious education and to find a space where she could find some comfort. to feel his soul. He wanted to make space for himself in a place he considered unfriendly to his concept of well-being.

She could barely stand up, could not stand up literally, and tried to get a grip and attach herself to everything inside in order to lift her body physically and, psychically, a hanam. The fracture of his osteoarthritic bones relieved his pain and, however, he recovered without hesitation despite the sound of his bone rubbing silencing the entire rehabilitation chamber. She stopped walking, but in her imagination she never lost hope that it would be done again so that she could certainly return to the house that was taken from her.

But the pandemic came and frightened her. A man invaded her. She was dumb. Dolores was already a woman who spoke timidly, with a low voice, but she stopped talking. And when he was anxious to say something again, he had a trembling voice. She was very afraid of contagion. The relationship he started with the other residents to adapt to the institution was against the need not to be infected. And besides, he didn’t know anyone anymore. A new team arrived, her loved ones left because she could no longer identify them, or they were not there or they were on another floor, and if, at best, they were , she did not recognize them because they were. contained in costumes that told her she could be a means of arrest. And her fear grew.

And, if it was already difficult for him to go through two duels, it was to add to the duel of the third loss, that of the people he had learned to feel close to them, even though he had known them for a short time. There was no contact with anyone. They even put a light on his head, a gun-like device on his forehead to indicate if he had a fever or if he was saved. Another traumatic moment was the panic of knowing he had a fever. Dolores did not understand this way of raising the temperature, she was used, due to her family tradition, to use mercury thermometers, to help her husband in the consultation. Now it felt like they were approaching him coldly to find out if you were “red” or “green”. And Dolores never understood the coldness of the temperature-taking action and the normalized language of these colors.

And, when he finally had a fever, he made a brutal, heartbreaking, sectarian regression, never seen in anyone. She cried and screamed, begging her son on the phone to go looking for her, that she did not want to be alone, she said, that she would not succeed. And his son could not enter, he was not allowed. She no longer cared not to get up, she was embedded, she could not move, and now the priorities were different: departure before she was consumed with fear and loneliness. She cried so much and the suffering was so hard that she tried to die, because she could not stand it. And so it was, she left and couldn’t even do it discreetly like a rich woman of the last century.